This is Wellness

I wrote this to kick off a wellness initiative in my organization. I hope you benefit from it, also.

Ours is an aspirational, achievement-driven culture. It is a culture of winning marked by a strong belief in what is possible with a community of people focused and passionate about accomplishing great things.

We want the best for our organization which is simply another way of saying that we want the best for ourselves. Our company, our teams and our colleagues need and want us to be at our best so that our organization can be at its best. This is wellness.

Both an individual and a community effort, wellness is more than “ideal” physical dimensions, rigorous exercise and Spartan diets. It is much, much more. Wellness is about being our best physical, social, emotional and professional selves so that we can live the lives we want to live. And, it is about creating and sustaining a vibrant, energizing and results-driven workplace so that all of us can benefit from our mutual success.

As we begin a new conversation about wellness, a conversation we hope you will sustain over the coming months and years, we will be using language that represents four key elements of wellness for our culture. These four elements are not exhaustive but are the ones we believe matter most to each of us, most of the time. When we Move, Play, Listen and Achieve we are pursuing wellness, we are moving towards our best self. Read on to learn what these words represent and their significance in this new conversation.

Move.

When we move we know we are alive. It is through movement that we get where we are going. Be that walking, running or jumping; dancing, golfing or cycling, moving well is both deeply gratifying and deeply connected to our well-being. In our definition of wellness Move is all about our physical being: our bodily health and our efforts, large and small, to achieve physical well-being through forms of movement, nutrition and activity that are appropriate to us and our individual situation.

Play.

We are social creatures. Introverted or extraverted, we all need and rely on others to bring greater satisfaction to our existence and to bring greater meaning to our lives. There is a deep, proven connection between healthy relationships and healthy living and it is through our social networks and activities that these relationships are formed and sustained. Play is about all of the ways we interact with others to satisfy our deep and enduring need for the enjoyment of life – the laughter, connection and energy that comes through positive interactions with others.

Listen.

We all have highs and lows. We all have strengths and challenges. And we all have the opportunity to develop ourselves for greater impact in our relationships and in our work. When we Listen to ourselves we become aware of our inner workings, the emotional drivers that can hijack us in times of stress and fulfill us in times of joy. When we listen to others we become aware of how our internal state impacts those around us, sometimes for the best and other times, well...you know how it goes. To listen well is to learn. And learning about self and others is at the heart of emotional wellness.

Achieve.

We believe that people need to find meaning in their work. We further believe that each of us wants the satisfaction that comes from professional accomplishment; that when we have the opportunity to apply our learning, talents and experience to a cause we believe in, we are more engaged and more fulfilled. The pursuit of professional wellness is the desire to Achieve in a manner consistent with our values, goals and beliefs. It is the coming together of place, position, purpose and people in a way that truly sustains us as we feed our families and fulfill our dreams.

Move. Play. Listen. Achieve. You will see, hear and experience these words in action in the coming months as the conversation about wellness takes on further definition and clarity for each of us. Until then, you are invited to consider how these words have meaning for you today and how they might inspire you to imagine a new definition of wellness – one that helps you to become your best self.

Separation

Today is my dad's birthday. His favorite number was "7" and so here on 7/7, when he would have been 77 I can't help but chuckle at how much satisfaction he would have been feeling, especially at 7:07!

The truth is that my dad left when I was pretty young so I didn't have the benefit of a "full" or "complete" father/son experience. We mended our relationship over the years and made something pretty good out of it but by the time I was really getting my adult life underway he slipped into the clutches of Alzheimer's. He died when I was 29 but it was really over a few years earlier.

On the day he died, my first-born child (a son, of course) was just three days old. In the same hospital, at approximately the same time, one generation passed and made way for another to emerge. 

Long before that day in the hospital 10 years ago, and every day since, I have lived with the pain of childhood loss and separation and its manifestation into adult adaptations, some productive, others less so. It's taken me a long while to forgive myself for the negative ones and to understand that I have simply, though not easily, been going through my own healing to get to a place where I can stand on solid ground, accepting what is mine to accept and committing myself to breaking the old patterns of anger, impatience, arrogance and regret. This remains a daily struggle. 

The new pattern that is emerging is one of possibility and acceptance, one of renewal and growth, one of confidence and presence, one of patience with and understanding of self.  As you may know from your own experience, each new loss, every fresh separation, is a reliving of all the old ones. When we grieve, our sadness is not located solely in the present but in all of our past losses, those deeply significant touchstones for the regression and progression that marks every life. 

I am sad today because of a fresh loss I am experiencing. My mentor, friend, colleague and boss of the last four years worked his last day today and hits the road tomorrow to begin the next chapter in his life and the life of his family. This remarkable man challenged me every day of the last four years to believe about myself what he so readily believed: that I have all I need, if only I remain willing enough and courageous enough to build the confidence to use it. All he did for four years was expect and challenge me to locate within myself the next level of learning and development. With his support I have attempted exactly that and, if you read my entry of July 1 you will understand that it is, in large part, his steadfast belief that has brought me to this point of massive opportunity in my life. I know I've done the work and that lots of "significant others" have played a part but he was the catalyst, the essential spark, and for that I will remain deeply, deeply thankful. 

And so, his departure taking place as it does, fittingly and painfully, on my dad's birthday, is an opportunity to experience the old losses and to see myself as I'm today, "full and against a wide sky" (to paraphrase R.M. Rilke). I am whole. Not complete, but whole. I am on solid ground and, being so, I can feel and express the pain, honor its significance and place it in a long line of separations and losses, the natural accompaniment of a life lived out in the open.

Thank you, Blake.

I love you, Dad.

Halfway

Six months down, six months to go.

2009 is sliding by awfully fast and at this mid-point I find myself thinking about what's been and what will be. Time and dates are pretty arbitrary aren't they? I mean, July 1 (or September 12 or October 29) is as good a day as any to make new commitments and define new goals. A New Year's resolution is romantic but it's really just one of 365 opportunities to decide, plan and act.

So, on the first day of the second half of the year I owe myself a quick reality check about what I've done about my 2009 development plan. My mantra this year is to "Expect More" of myself and others. Specifically, to actively pursue my goal of becoming a a credible, inspiring and respected speaker/presenter on leadership, employee engagement and organizational culture. This has required more risk, more candor, more presence and more commitment. Here's a quick list of what's happened so far:

1 conference presentation (February)
1 journal article (March)
1 MBA student roundtable (April)
1 webinar (June)
1 consulting engagement (July)
1 keynote (August)
1 association presentation (pending)
26 blog postings (March-July)

That's exactly eight more such activities than last year and what's especially gratifying is that four of these things came about simply because I asked the question: "Do you need a speaker at your conference?"; "Do you need any leadership development support for your MBA students?"; "Do you have a client who would like to hear about my work when I visit the east coast?" And, to evidence the generative impact of getting started, two more items on this list happened as a result of something else - the webinar came from the conference; the keynote came from the roundtable. Cool.

Looking at the back half of the year my goal is simple: keep going. Continue to "expect more." Continue to ask the questions. Continue to learn from each experience. Continue to refine my voice and my message.

Continue.

The Sentence: Do You Have One?

Peggy Noonan's column in Saturday's Wall Street Journal centered on a story Clare Booth Luce told about a conversation she had with President Kennedy in 1962. Noonan writes: "She told him...that 'a great man is one sentence.' His leadership can be so well summed up in a single sentence that you don't have to hear his name to know who's being talked about. 'He preserved the union and freed the slaves,' or, 'He lifted us out of a great depression and helped to win a World War.' You didn't have to be told 'Lincoln' or 'FDR.'"

Could you become so identified with the goal you are trying to achieve that upon hearing it everyone will know it's yours? What would it take to make that happen?

Let's really try and localize this concept for a second. Forget Lincoln, FDR, Kennedy and Obama. You may do something on that scale and that would be incredible. But let's keep it a little more down to earth for a moment: you're a leader in your organization, you are committed to learning, development and change and you are determined to have significant impact in your department, your company and/or your industry. What are you willing to do about it? And are you ready to be identified as "that leader," working on "that goal"?

For the last four years I've been urging the leaders (and aspiring leaders) in my company to determine the thing that matters most and make a plan to do it. Everything else is extraneous, a distraction, a nuisance at best and a hiding place from doing the real work at worst.

And, I've struggled with this as much as anybody. I've been vague, uncertain and downright fearful of stating my intention and clarifying my outcome. And why? Because if I say it someone actually might expect me to do it. What that doesn't factor in is that those same "someones" may also want to help me make it real. Go figure.

So, in the spirit of moving out of the darkness and into the light, here's my sentence: "He inspired leaders to be more fully human and to create organizations that unleash human potential."

What's yours?

Stretched by the Web

Last week I led a webinar, a live online learning event for leaders and those who help them lead. I spent one hour seated at my desk, staring into a tiny camera (one little green light urging me on) and sharing a story I love to tell. I talked about how we've attempted to build a culture of leadership and learning in my organization through the practice of coaching. How we aspire to inspire every employee to be fully engaged in their work. That the workplace can be a place where we realize our best selves - a place that stretches us to exceed our expectations and move closer to our dreams. If only leaders will lead.

As an exercise in communication, storytelling and presentation this was among the most challenging experiences of my career. I'm better for the stretch, and really gratified for the experience of it, but this was a damn hard thing to do. I expected it to be awkward to talk to "nobody," to have no physical audience, no people with whom to interact, banter, laugh and explore ideas. And it was. But the toughest part was sustaining energy for that much time with no feedback, only a few questions received through online chat to let me know I wasn't alone. But I did sustain it and I'm proud to say so.

Sitting here on the other side of it, I am thrilled to have shared the story and eager for the next opportunity to do so. I hope you'll check it out and pass it along.

http://businessleadernw.com/davidberry.html

Human Progress (?)

A stirring example of the speed of human progress – the technology view:

1903 Orville & Wilbur Wright stay aloft for 59 seconds

1927 Charles Lindbergh flies across the Atlantic in 34 hours

1969 Neil Armstrong walks on the moon

A stirring example of the speed of human progress – the developmental view:

50,000 years ago: the human search for meaning begins; males of the species find it difficult to admit being wrong

2,500 years ago: the human search for meaning continues; males of the species find it difficult to admit being wrong

Today: the human search for meaning continues; males of the species find it difficult to admit being wrong.

If we hide behind our work, our technology, our stuff, we surely forget where to find real meaning in our lives. Say "I'm sorry" today, forgive someone today, have a real conversation today. You won't regret it.

Beautiful Mess

Over the weekend my daughter took a big purple marker and left her signature on the book I've been reading. A book that I borrowed from a friend (sorry, Marlene!). I responded angrily and while I'm not proud of my response I'm really happy that I know why.

At some point in the last few years I learned to notice that my reactions to messiness are an indicator of my emotional "state of the union." When I overreact to something so predictable as a child writing in a book it tells me that I'm projecting some internal discomfort, some feeling of being out of control. It helps me to stop and take stock of what's going on inside that's not sitting well, the unprocessed or unfinished emotional business that I am not too excited to look at.

So, what is going on? The truth is that I've made a handful of commitments in the coming months that will stretch me in new ways as a professional. It is my anxiety about those events and the fantasies I've concocted about them that are unsettling. My rational mind knows that my preparation and my abilities "in the moment" will make them successful and enjoyable experiences but my emotional side isn't so easily satisfied. It wants to act out in pursuit of "perfect" (quite the opposite of messiness) and keep me focused on control.

When I overreact to mess; when I think perfect is possible; when I attempt to control the uncontrollable; that's when I know I need to slow down and notice the anxieties and uncertainties that are keeping me stuck. As I get better and better at trusting these markers I am able to move more quickly back to creativity, back to presence in the moment, back to being in flow, back to the beautiful mess.

Rest Stop or Cul-de-sac?

In a business environment and certainly in other venues as well, there is an obvious imperative that when we take time to focus on developmental activities the time has to be well spent. I wonder how often this is the case? I have long advocated the importance of taking "time out" to slow down, collect our thoughts and make a plan to move forward more purposefully and confidently than before. But, the "time out" is not enough. It's great to take it, but it has to be used well. The Orlando Magic orchestrated a perfect plan coming out of a timeout at the end of Game 2 (execution is a subject for another day). They worked on the right thing and it damn near worked.

The image I've been thinking about to illustrate this is the difference between a rest stop and cul-de-sac. The former is a place where you stretch your legs, make a pit-stop, think about your route - how far you've come, how far you have to go, when you'll need fuel, food, another break, etc. And, all in plain view of the road that is going to take you there. At a rest stop, we never lose sight of the action, the context, the flow - we just step out of it for a little while to get better prepared to re-enter in a new way.

A cul-de-sac is a dead end. It is anti-flow. It's a termination point typically arrived at after multiple changes in direction (wandering) away from a primary route. I don't know of too many cul-de-sacs from which you can still see the main artery. Of course, this is not universally bad, but in the context of professional development activities, it's a disaster. When we find ourselves in a developmental cul-de-sac it means we are colluding to separate ourselves from the larger question of how this specific work is connected to business needs. Of how my getting better is going to matter. The job of a good coach or facilitator is to allow enough wandering to feed the creative process but not so much that we just feel good and tell ourselves that it's productive.

What it really comes down to is the desire to change. If we have it, rest stops are obvious. We know we need them and we know that they are a means to an end, not an end in themselves. If we don't have the desire we are more likely to end up in cul-de-sacs, following clever routes of disconnection and denial, wondering if someone will show us the way but secretly hoping no one asks how we ended up in this part of town.

I'm a leader. Now, where do I stand?

Old school answer: In front. Commanding, controlling, directing the action. Demanding respect, not earning it. Invulnerable and impenetrable. Extrinsic motivation. Results? Yes. But it's compliance, not commitment and it can't be sustained. (And nobody really likes you.)

New school answer: Behind. Supporting, encouraging, challenging. Soft, sappy and sweet. Vulnerable and transparent. Results? Maybe, but only because your people are supplying their own intrinsic motivation. (Oh, and you think everybody likes you.)

What we need, people, are leaders who can nuance, integrate and moderate their approach instead of either being stuck in one position or swinging chaotically from one to the other to the confusion of all. We need leaders who can move, literally and dynamically in the moment to a position along the "In Front/Behind" continuum that is appropriate to the person and the situation.

OK, then what's the best angle of attack? How about alongside? How about a position which allows, with just a half-step adjustment, for a leader to show the way or get out of the way. A place where our leader can just as easily set the table as do the dishes? A position which promotes shared responsibility without sacrificing the clarity that comes with a leader's added context. A position which allows the leader to disappear into the background just like mom or dad letting go of the two-wheeler for the first time. "Did I really just do that by myself? I thought you were right there with me."

"Well, I was and I wasn't."

Go Slow to Go Fast

My daughter has epilepsy. Her seizures began at age one - very brief, frequent shuddering spells which we later learned were small bursts of electrical activity that overwhelm the brain and interrupt the flow of information. Kind of like the really loud, obnoxious guy who elbows his way into what was a meaningful conversation with a friend.

Fortunately her seizures were small and with none of the frightening side-effects so many people with epilepsy live with every day. That said, it became clear pretty quickly that her episodes were impeding her development - consider how long it takes you to do or learn anything when you are constantly being interrupted - and so we found ourselves in the world of neurologists, sleep-deprived MRIs (super fun!) and medications we were told "aren't really meant for small children but are the best we have to offer."

At age three our daughter qualified for support from the local school district to work on her speech and language delays. We found ourselves in another new world, the bureaucracy of county and state-funded support services. It took us awhile to sort things out as these resources aren't exactly well-published and once you get started it takes persistence and curiousity to successfully navigate the landscape.

We learned that the centerpiece of any support is a learning contract called an Individual Education Plan (IEP). At the outset of services and on an annual basis thereafter all the stakeholders in our daughter's education, depending on the specific types of support she needs, weigh in on both her progress and on new goals to be established for the coming year. It is a laborious, time-intensive and slow process. And, it works. We had a two-hour meeting yesterday to discuss our daughter's transition to kindergarten. It was a thorough and detailed look at her progress over the last year as well as an opportunity to discuss the best environment and services to help her "access her education" (my newly adopted IEP lingo) in the year ahead.

At an emotional level, these are very hard discussions to have. We, like every other parent we talk to, want our daughter to be "normal." We want to save her from the labels and categorization that are so easily attached and so difficult to remove. That said, I feel extremely blessed that we have people in our lives who want to help her overcome and succeed. That there is a system in place, cumbersome though it may be, dedicated to her development. It was in the middle of that thought in the middle of this meeting that it became painfully clear to me why it's so hard to get development right in our organizations. Processes and initiatives that are slow, involve a lot of people and require complete individualization for greatest impact aren't exactly welcome in the private sector.

That said, if we really want to help our managers manage effectively and our leaders lead with purpose and passion, we need to get intense, individualized and involved in learning plans that create real goals with real outcomes for real impact. No, bureaucracy is not the answer but neither is the excuse that business moves too fast for us to take the time to do the real work required for learning, development and change to occur.

Here's a recipe for your consideration:

Mindset: Go Slow to Go Fast

1. Involve the right people - who has perspective and feedback that needs to be considered?


2. Write a plan - focus on strengths, gaps and the full context of business needs


3. Track progress - stay in the conversation over time


4. Revise and renew - keep the plan relevant to individual and business changes


5. Review progress and do it again

Constancy

Last week I wrote about a pattern of change in my life - four year cycles of education, exploration, and employment. I recognize in reviewing these cycles that during each one I was gathering critical information to successfully transition into the next phase. In small and large doses I was picking up knowledge, wisdom, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, confidence and purpose with each pass I made. And now, as I'm confronted with the end of yet another trip around the cycle, I am asking a new question: what if I don't continue this pattern? What if, instead of a change of scenery, I embrace constancy - the recognition that in this time and place there is more to be made out of the bits and pieces I have cobbled together into this thing I call my vocation?

These questions got me thinking about the artist, Andy Goldsworthy, and the themes he introduces in the book, "Time", a collection of photographs of his work. He says the following:

"Whenever possible, I make a work every day. Each work joins the next in a line that defines the passage of my life, marking and accounting for my time and creating a momentum which gives me a strong sense of anticipation for the future. Each piece is individual, but I also see the line combined as a single work."

I take reassurance from this that all of my cycles are connected. I am creating my own line of work and my own unique momentum toward the future. But then he goes on to say this:

"Time and change are connected to place. Real change is best understood by staying in one place."

His point here is that you can't fully appreciate the passage of time and the changes that take place where you are if you don't stay put and participate in it. Is four years enough to figure that out? In plenty of cases, sure it is. In others, no chance. My thought is this: the more you learn about a place the more you can impact it and, over time, appreciate, adjust and nuance your relationship with it. That there is a reward inherent with local knowledge - an intimacy that rewards us with the opportunity to offer and satisfy more of our best selves.

Finally, Goldsworthy says this: "I have tried to pitch my life so that I make the best use of my time and energy. Perfection in every work is not the aim. I prefer works that are fashioned by the compromises forced upon me by nature, whether it be an incoming tide, the end of a day, thawing snow, shrivelling leaves or the deadline of my own lifetime."

His acknowledgement of the compromises that are present in all endeavors is so significant. There is no perfect. There is only the best possible "right here, right now." I happen to practice my vocation inside an organization and we all know that organizations are wrought with compromise. The best ones are led by people who make the right compromises work for the most people to get some important work done. David Whyte has written that "there is no organization large enough for even one human soul" and yet it is within organizations that so much of human progress has been made possible. Go figure.

There is a powerful "and" emerging in all of this. A sweet spot that is about both constancy and change. After all, cycles wouldn't be cycles if we didn't know they'd be coming around again.

Getting Started

One of the common themes I hear in my work as a professional coach is the difficulty of getting started. People are motivated. They are clear. Yet, they just don't know how to begin. The trend that I see is that the end result, the goal, the finished product seems so big, so significant and of such importance that it just doesn't seem possible. There's just no way to make "that" happen. So, why start?

I think this is where the wisdom of "begin with the end in mind" can really get people stuck. If the "end" I imagine is a really big deal to me (one I probably have some pretty good fantasies about that may not resemble much of the reality once I get there) it might just freeze me up rather than free me up to start moving.

Take a look at the first entry in this blog. It's dated May 14, 2007. And it's a poem. A fantastic poem, no doubt, but a poem just the same. As in, not an original thought by David Berry. I put it there to help me get started, to serve as a marker for what it was I was trying to do with this blog. And, nearly two years later, I actually started blogging. Now, I ask you, what the hell took me so long?

The answer is quite simple: I didn't believe I had anything valuable, new, interesting, substantive, novel, witty, PERFECT to say. Yes, my "end in mind" was that I didn't dare to start blogging until I had it all figured out. So, I didn't. When I spoke at a conference this past February (www.businessleadernw.com - check it out for 2010) I shared a similar story with my audience. I told them that the reason this was my first conference presentation EVER was that I had convinced myself that I didn't have enough to offer, that I wasn't ready that I, here it is again, didn't have it all figured out.

What it took me so long to figure out is that a huge part of getting started is knowing that where I am right now is enough. This is enough. I am enough. For now.

I want to be a highly regarded speaker and presenter at significant events on the topics of leadership, coaching and organizational culture. And, with that magnificent end in mind there are two things I know to be true. The first is that if I say it and do nothing it will never happen. The second is, if I say it and reach out for the next opportunity to practice, it just might.

A Development Culture is an Innovation Culture

Leaders who are intense about their own development and who create accountability and offer support for the ongoing development of their teams and peers create, perhaps without even knowing it, a culture of innovation.

Why is this so?

Intensity about development means one is willing to take an honest look at oneself, see the good and the bad from a perspective of appreciation and empathy and decide to do something about it. This is a distinctly humanizing act and if others see this and have a chance to participate in the leader's development "conversation" they are more likely to see the leader as fully human (check out the Johari Window). If that's the case they are a heck of a lot more likely to be open with ideas, suggestions and possibilities. They might even give more of their discretionary effort, that part of ourselves we choose to give or not give to our work depending on how safe and open the leader has made the environment. If it's safe and open more gets discussed, put on the table, debated and explored. That's a culture of innovation.

So, what does this mean for our organizations?

It means that we must offer professional coaching, leadership and management development opportunities because we believe - perhaps more boldly, we know - that if more leaders, those with direct responsibility for creating the environment, are more actively pursuing development, more good stuff happens. And, in this equation, more good stuff equals more employees offering more of their best selves to the company every day.